Wordless Wednesday (not really)

From Ali Edward's Digital Scrapbooking

Everyone You Meet is Fighting a Hard Battle

“We must learn to regard people less in light of what they do or omit to do, and more in the light of what they suffer.” - Dietrich Bonhoeffer

You Just Never Know

People don't just walk around with a button on their jacket that says "Hi, I live with depression"  or "I have children with special needs and I haven't slept all night in 8 years" or "I live with chronic illness".  In many cases, you can't distinguish someone who is totally healthy in every way from someone who is dealing with 7 different chronic illnesses at the same time.  There is simply no way to know unless you ask them, or they happen to mention it to you.  You just don't know what is happening inside other people's heads that might fuel their responses or create the filter through which they view life and interaction.

My Experiences

I have mentioned that I have lived with depression, and upon reflection I would say that I have experienced it at differing levels through a fairly sizable portion of my life.  I also happen to have a child who does not sleep well, and as a result, mine and my husband's sleep has been interrupted almost nightly, and sometimes several times a night, since she was very small.  She is now almost 8 years old.  

I have lived portions of my life in almost crippling overwhelmedness from what it takes to parent several small children, homeschool, and keep up with my house.  I felt and sometimes still feel incredible amounts of guilt when I measure myself against other people and how they bear up under stress and daily life.  The only reason I no longer live in that place of crippling overwhelmedness is because I have come to a place of peace with my limitations.  I have mostly stopped comparing myself and my parenting skills and my particular children to others.   

Judging Before Asking

I would like to submit to you that situations and stressors that may seem like no big deal to you might seem unbearably stressful to another person.  We are all created differently, and bear up under stress in different ways.  We also all have our own neuroses, the things that just nearly drive us crazy about our home, our apperance, our life situation that oftentimes make no rational sense to others. 

The way in which we bear up under stress affects how we treat ourselves, our families, our friends, and even complete strangers.  It affects how we behave at home where no one can see, and out in the world where anyone can bear witness to it.

What Do They Suffer?

I do, actually, have a good friend that has seven different chronic illnesses that she is dealing with at the same time.  I have friends with fibromyalgia, with lupus, with epilepsy, with visible physical challenges like spina bifida and cerebral palsy.  I have friends with invisible disabilities like sensory processing disorder, high functioning autism, chronic fatigue syndrome, and chronic pain. 

 I also know a significant number of people who suffer in abusive relationships, many of whose bruises are invisible to the casual onlooker. I was in one of those relationships, too.  I can most assuredly tell you that there is suffering, and that it is maybe the least likely suffering for people to let on about.

 History 

We are, and as a people have long been, conditioned to be very self-focused and judgmental of the exterior without knowing the heart.  All you need to do is look at the story of the Good Samaratin in the Bible to see what many of us are really like.   Our human nature makes us so conscious of our own hard road, our own schedule, our own suffering, our own thorns of the flesh. 

 It can be SO hard to find compassion for others in the midst of our own life. 

Our Reactions

Sure, we can have momentary recognition and sorrow for the plight of a poor child on a television commercial, or perhaps be slightly more affected in hearing that a friend's mother has passed away.  But living in a place where you actually have compassion for others on a daily basis, wherever you go?  

That is hard.   

Too often, we go about our day thinking about what the world owes us.  We deserve preferential treatment, we were at the customer service desk first, we have an important appointment to get to so please change the oil in my car first, we deserve to have our way because we are more important. 

I know I need more practice in thinking of others actions or non-actions in light of their suffering.  To allow others to be human, to be having a bad day, to maybe be having a worse day than I am.  To adjust my expectations as to what the world owes me.  

To realize that it's not all about me.

I hope you'll discuss this with me in the comments and let me know what comes to mind when you read Bonhoeffer's quote.  Here is some background on this quote and what situation inspired it:  Dietrich Bonhoeffer Wiki . 


 Plato has some wise words too:

Wordless Wednesday

In Mirrors - Walter Wangerin, Jr.

Today in Sunday School, our former pastor came to visit, and he included this essay in the handout.  I have read Walter Wangerin Jr.'s "Book of God' and "The Book of the Dun Cow", so I already knew I liked his style of expression, and the content he shares in fiction and non-fiction.  

 I thought this particular essay was amazingly well written and I could identify with a lot of what he wrote.  It confronts us with our sin, and the way we feel when we have been confronted by our sin, and the way we avoid seeing our sin when we want to continue in it.

It speaks of the mercy God has for us.  It speaks of how Jesus died for our sins, died our own death... the death of our selfish desires and ugly patterns of thought about ourselves.  His resurrection is the beginning of our own renewal and restoration. 

We all need mercy.  We are all in need of the free grace that God offers which covers over our sin like a tidal wave, washing it completely away.

It is written from the perspective of a married man, but I think much of its contents is easily translated from that, and its perspective could be taken by anyone.  So don't let the speaking of having a spouse cloud your appreciation of the rest of the words Mr. Wangerin shares here.

photo credit csnimages

In Mirrors

Walter Wangerin

In mirrors I see myself.

 But in mirrors made of glass and silver 

I never see the whole of myself. 

I see the me I want to see, and I ignore the rest.

Mirrors that hide nothing hurt me.  

They reveal an ugliness I'd rather deny.  

Avoid these mirrors of veracity!

My wife is such a mirror. 

When I have sinned against her,

 my sin appears in the suffering of her face. 

Her tears reflect with terrible accuracy my selfishness. 

My self! 

But I hate the sight, 

and the same selfishness I see 

now makes me look away.

"Stop crying!" I command, 

as though the mirror were at fault.

 Or else I just leave the room. 

Walk away.

Oh, what a coward I am, and what a fool! 

Only when I have the courage fully to look,  

clearly to know myself - 

even the evil of myself -

 will I admit my need for healing. 

But if I look away from her whom I have hurt, 

I have also turned away from her who might forgive me. 

I reject the very source of my healing.

My denial of my sin protects, preserves, perpetuates that sin! 

Ugliness in me, while I live in illusions, can only grow the uglier.

Mirrors that hide nothing hurt me. 

But this is the hurt of purging and precious renewal - 

and these are the mirrors of dangerous grace.

The passion of Christ,

 his suffering and his death,

 is such a mirror. 

Are the tears of my dear wife hard to look at? 

Well, the pain in the face of Jesus is harder. 

It is my self in my extremest truth. 

My sinful self. 

The death he died reflects a selfishness so extreme

 that by it , I was divorced from God 

and life and light completely: 

I raised my self higher than God!

 But because the Lord God is the only true God, 

my pride did no more, in the end,

 than to condemn this false god of my self to death.

 For God will be God, 

and all the false gods will fall before him.

So that's what I see reflected in the mirror of Christ's crucifixion:

 My death. 

My rightful punishment.

 My sin and its just consequence. 

Me. 

And precisely because it is so accurate, 

the sight is nearly intolerable.

Nevertheless I will not avoid this mirror! 

No, I will carefully rehearse, again this year, the passion of my Jesus - 

with courage, with clarity and faith; 

for this is the mirror of dangerous grace, 

purging more purely than any other.

For this one is not made of glass and silver, 

nor of fallen flesh only. 

This mirror is made of righteous flesh and of divinity, both - 

and this one loves me absolutely.

 My wife did not choose to take my sin and so to reflect my truth to me. 

She was driven, poor woman.

 But Jesus did choose -

 not only to take the sin within himself, 

not only to reflect the squalid truth of my personal need, 

but also to reveal the tremendous truth of his grace and forgiveness. 

He took that sin away.

This mirror is not passive only, showing what is; 

it is active, creating new things to be. 

It shows me a new me behind the shadow of a sinner.

 For when I gaze at his crucifixion, I see my death indeed - 

but my death done!

His death is the death of the selfish one, 

whom I called ugly and hated to look upon.

And resurrection is another me.

Walter Wangerin, "In Mirrors," from Reliving the Passion, pp. 24-26. 

 Zondervan Publishing House, copyright © 1992 by Walter Wangerin, Jr.

Ultimate Blog Party 2010 - Meet Jen at Pursuing Harmony

Welcome to Pursuing Harmony!

About
My name is Jennifer, I am a musician and a writer. I have an intense need for expression as well as for connecting and communicating with others. I have a bachelor's degree in Special Education and Psychology, and I intend to pursue a master's degree in music therapy at some point. I am also a wife and a mother to four beautiful children.


My family

My husband, "The Doctor", is an IT guy at Ironworks Consulting. He is also finishing his Master of Arts at Reformed Theological Seminary. We met on the internet about 14 years ago, and have been married for 12 years. We share a mutual love of science fiction books and movies, especially Doctor Who.


Ella, age 10, is in fourth grade. She is a writer and an artist, specifically pencil sketching. She has very specific ideas about justice, and is a very literal thinker. She is very sensitive and affectionate. She wants to be a pet adoption specialist when she grows up, and she loves to read. She was my primary inspiration for starting my blog, and is diagnosed with Aspergers.


Maddie, age 7, is in first grade. She is an artist, specifically abstract watercolor painting. She is full of drama, sparkle, and impetuousness, and is a fantastic story teller. She loves to dance, draw, play outside, and make unapproved experiments using food and non food items!


Annelise, age 4, is a sweet spirited friend and a nature loving sprite. She has a special love for butterflies, caterpillars, pillbugs, and worms. She is also a perfectionist and shows some signs of being gifted in language arts. She loves to help others, and enjoys quality time spent with those she loves.


Teddy, age 2, is ALL boy except for the teonail polish he tends to insist on wearing. I bought blue and green just for him. He adores his sister Maddie and always wants a pedicure when she is giving herself one. He is a laid back little fella most of the time but gives his drama filled sisters a run for their money sometimes.



What I write about
I began my blog last year as a means of expressing my thoughts regarding my oldest daughter's diagnosis with Aspergers. I do talk about disabilities, special needs, and advocacy sometimes, but my blog generally tends to reflect my state of mind at the time. I may talk about my faith, I may talk about my kids, I may write poetry or do short writing exercises, I may talk about homeschooling my 4 year old. It is a look into my life as it happens. I suppose my niche is "mommy blogger" but it's not even mostly about my children.

Some of my favorite posts

Hope Forgotten

OpenHearted

Little Mollie


Close to my heart

To Write Love On Her Arms

Seizure Disorders, Connecting, and TalkAboutIt.org



Where else you can find me
I am the managing editor at SpecialMomTalk, an online magazine for parents of children with special needs.


I write articles and reviews at Untrained Housewife

I am often busy on Twitter

I am also often busy on facebook

Thanks for coming by to visit me! Please leave me a comment if you stopped by, I would love to visit your blog too! Let me know if you decide to follow me on twitter, or link up on facebook!

Just because it is required in my post:
There are TONS of Ultimate Blog Party Prizes, and if my name gets drawn, these are a few of the prizes I would choose: 
USC17- $200 Apple Gift Certificate
US31- $20 Amazon
US32- $25 Target
US112- $50 Amazon
USC3- $50 Target
USC8- $55 Amazon
USC15- $50 Target
INTL2- Custom Wordpress Blog

Wordless Wednesday - Maddie

Forgiveness

  Of all of the prayers that I learned, I think the Prayer of Saint Francis is the one that has stuck with me.  I'm pretty sure that when I was in elementary school, we said this prayer every time we were at Mass, but if I'm wrong, it was also printed on the front of the missalette that held the prayers and the order or worship.  In elementary school, we used to attend Mass a few times a week.  Either from lessons I learned, constant visual exposure, or something else, I really took it to heart.  

Prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

where there is injury, pardon;

where there is doubt, faith;

where there is despair, hope;

where there is darkness, light;

and where there is sadness, joy.

Dear Lord, grant that I may not so much seek

to be consoled as to console;

to be understood as to understand;

to be loved as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive;

it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;

and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen

Forgiving Others

Today's sermon spoke to me about forgiveness more than anything else.  It reminded me that by withholding forgiveness, I am only hurting myself.  I needed to have that reminder.  Forgiving others does not give them more power, forgiving others does not mean you are a doormat with no boundaries.  Even if the person I forgive is unaware... and they are not apologetic or repentant; it is not about them nearly as much as it is about me.   Holding on to anger and unforgiveness just fuels the aggressive and bitter thoughts in my head.   Sure, actually approaching someone and having a conversation about how they have hurt you is intimidating.  But it's not even always the best way to work out forgiveness.  Settle it in your own heart first, determine to forgive without knowing the outcome.. and then decide if you want to try to talk to the person who has offended you.

Sincere forgiveness isn't colored with expectations that the other person apologize or change.  Don't worry whether or not they finally understand you.  

Love them and release them. - Sara Paddison

 Sometimes in the heat of the moment, I forget that those who intend to hurt me are hurting themselves, or have pushed their hurt so far down that they don't realize that it is what is fueling their behavior. 

“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition

 by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. 

Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.” - Catherine Ponder

Forgiving Yourself

Forgiving yourself is an act of pure will.  It is not something you can be talked into by anyone else, and it is probably just about the hardest thing to do.  Forgiving others can seem much easier than forgiving ourselves.  We are out own worst critic, after all.  

 In the story of the Prodigal Son, do you remember that the son that ran off and squandered his inheritance forgave himself first before he came home?  He made peace with his actions.  Do you remember that he expected to not find acceptance and forgiveness?  And that he was okay with not being forgiven, and would accept rejection or treatment below his status as a son? 

 He was okay with the fact that he failed to live up to his father's expectation of staying and working for his father, waiting until his father passed away to receive his inheritance... and more that that, he was okay with failing to live up to his father's expectations when he came home to him.  That is some powerful stuff right there.  I can't even imagine the scene when his father spoke those words of forgiveness to him, and accepting him without question.  It probably blew his mind.  That's what happens every time we ask God for forgiveness.

“You can't undo anything you've already done, but you can face up to it. You can tell the truth. You can seek forgiveness. And then let God do the rest.” - Anonymous

If God always forgives us when we ask... why are we so quick to not forgive ourselves?